cloud of forgeting

(...helps in growing love…)

---

(First day of Spring) 

We were not now fighting, just feeling like love was dying.. old wounds had been opened, and not healed, just reminding us of diff’rences that feel to be an abyss between us, across which no warmth can be conducted, no convection currents could carry any excitement. We needed the kind of radiant heat that can travel across vacuums.

My wife was being cordial, and said that she was riding to work, and “Good-bye.” & took off on her bicycle - around 8:10am.  I had just enough time, if I used it well, before I needed to be at work. As I was collecting my bits and pieces together before driving directly to work in the car… I found her phone sitting on the loungeroom coffee table …

Different to me, she rarely leaves things behind by mistake. So, I thought, “It’s possible that she left it home on purpose (say to minimise interruptions at work etc)..” I thought I should ring her to check … (then realised what I was considering)... So I just had to make my “own” judgement (I addressed myself to creative love, “Please give me some of your wisdom here!”)...

On my way to work, I made the 5 or 10 minute detour to her work, to give it to her.

When I walked into her office it looked like she was trying to log into an account that required receiving a phone text as verification, and later she said she was on to trying other options. She beamed when she saw it, got out of her computer chair, smiled, took steps to receive the phone, full-heartedly said “Thank you!”, and hugged me.  She said “I really needed that.”

What a gift from God to help our difficulties in expressing love in tangible ways to  creatures from other planets.

I think God used that cloud of forgeting to help love grow, as we looked past our needs to the other... and let love connect us…

As I drove on to work, I looked up again.. “Thank you”.

---

larva

(dependent on creative love’s gift of A PLACE..*)

---

Oh Lord! I’m not at all in charge down here.

Remembering the picture which that man*

found helpful, in his mind, to live with fear 

of all that could go wrong, since life began..

a picture of just tentatively grow-

ing one’s own trust, as one finds underneath

the surface of the ground of all our know-

ing is depths of a dark heat, un-belief,

abyss, that crushes human life complete-

ly, it’s so empty, OR so monstrously

full of an anti-life stuff that we meet

occasion-ly, upheaving stressfully.

It feels volcanic, or like seismic waves,

where all we thought so solid melts away.

Reality as it seems, no “behaves”

(and as we learn, it’s right here it will stay),

is not at all conducive to hist’ry.

We’re visiting - just like a Goldilocks.

Those bears will soon hunt us out till we flee.

The “just right”s all forgotten at their knocks.

But I see now a lovely, wondrous thing;

a sandbox made to teach us partnership,

not just as equals - One is Fathering

the others - teaching, training not to slip,

but to have def’nate, actual  habits that

grow trust in who made all this world - by words.

Our biggest need is to depend, as F.A.T.*...

true children, who have listened, once they heard.

So, then I think his plan for us was more

than best parts of the Greek and Roman guess-

-es of what gods are like - not how they war,

but strong, immortal; not their cause of mess-

-es, nor their lack of love and wisdom too.

For these ones are re-sourced con-tin-u’lly

from the creative love that’s “you know who”-

the one who IS (that’s is, was, & will be).

So “self-existece” brings heavens & Earth

to being, in a Universe that’s held

within the mind, then spoken, so ’s to birth

it as participant whom GOD “lets” weld,

or move, or shine, or grow, or part, or rise…

to make this place so solid that it's “good”

enough for love, creative, strong, & wise

to see it as “just right” for what it could

be good for, with large insights (as we learn)

into a wondrous pow-er far above, 

and underneath us. Let us not now spearn

this chance to partner with creative love.

**

---

Footnotes

..* - a place .. to belong, a place in this whole she-bang to be existent (no, to be living, even to be thriving), and a place to (as we long to), be leading well)

n* - Henri Nouwen in his depression reported in The inner voice of Love - A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom1, 2, 3.… an experience of standing as though in a place of turf, with a great hole in the middle looking into an abyss. The way forward was to grow the grass until it slowly covered over the abyss, and then he could still live his life in that place over that abyss: "There is a deep hole in your being, like an abyss. You will never succeed in filling that hole, because your needs are inexhaustible. You have to work around it so that gradually the abyss closes.".

This, it turns out, is not much different to the actual facts of all the Earth’s crust being afloat on the molten larva of its mantle.

T.* - F.A.T. stands for Faithful, Available,Teachable

**  - A realisation, as pieces of the jig-saw puzzle fit together, from PSYCHOLOGY (in overcoming  existential angst), and  EARTH-SCIENCE (the Earth as we experience it is very much like some ancients saw it - a "flat plate (we'd say plates)" floating or somehow held up over a sea (it's just that it's a sea of molten swirling larva) etc.[https://appallinglife.blogspot.com/2026/09/larva.html]

---

🤔

  

🤔confused, 

wondering, unsure, trying-to-see-a-way-forward, confused,  lost-in-thought, thoughtful, know-something-but not everything, learning a new way of seeing things

---

The Walkerian Sonnet: iambic pentameter, 14 lines, an organization & rhyme scheme: opening- ABBA, playing around with it - CDDC, other options - EFFE, a decision - GG.

---

I’m not so sure, but I’ll give it some thought.

It’s difficult sometimes to put in words.

But I’ll give it a go. See if you’ve heard

something like it, or seen one someone bought.

Sometimes I am left wondering myself,

I feel a bit confused, at least unsure.

But in that space, I learn to not need more, 

& yet some things appear, as though an elf

or Muse was playing with me, ope’ning up

to more dimensions round me, my mind here.

Sometimes it’s just the words, though it appears

at other times forgetfulness erupts!

I’ll settle for the cloud ’v “unknowingness”;

that might let new dimensions through - less stress!

---

do life

(to gether!)

---

And OMG! I’m sharing life  with you.

I don’t have to be capable at all.

I started as one tiny cell. A few.

Then hundreds, & now trillions* - not so small!

And you’ve been trying to help me grow up,

to learn to care for this big lump of cells. 

That's even when I “act up”, interrupt.

There are folk who give me their life. It smells

like perfume when they just absorb my shite,

and give to me more goods than I give out.

They’re acting then in line with what I might

call plain ol’ goodness, and it’s good, no doubt!

That view of what’s responsible (not shame)

which I agree with, ’coz it has more faith-

-full-ness than just a rule applied the same:

“we’re more responsible, the more we take”.

So then, the more I've done - of life with you,

the more chance I will have to grow and thrive.

& I am then responsible to do

more with, the more I'm gi'en. Not just survive-

al strategy, to not have expecta-

-tions placed on me by ev’ry one around.

It might sound good, but doesn’t leave a space

responsible for knowledge that we've found.

And this is not a rule placed on the world, 

so much as just a statement of what’s true,

like times-tables, as our minds are unfurled

to them, their insight helps know what to do.

And OMG! I now feel more response-

-ible, the only way to th’ dignity

causality and choice give humans once

we take on board our chanc to be more free

to learn to love, to keep our word, and act

in line with something that can not be seen,

but still affects this world like any fact.

And helps us speak in ways that really mean..

mean something in the world. Words correspond

to ways the world is as we pass through it.

While this approach to life is many pronged,

good “rules” express a good way to do it!

---

Footnotes

s* I am presently probably ~38 trillion human cells (x2=~76 trillion human and bacterial cells) since I am ~ 85kg; since on average an adult male at 70kg is ~36 Trillion cells (& about half are small cells like blood cells, about half bigger cells like muscle cells) and about the same number (~38 trillion) of bacterial and other cells that live in or on the body. ~28trillion for average adult woman, and ~24-28trillion for 14 yr old teenager, ~17 trillion cells in an average 10 yr old at ~ 32 kg.

---

a walk through last week

(Slow & curious)

---

The week that I was “gone” to Brisbane town,

to say “Goodbye” to my wife’s mother there,

who passed from this life here on Earth that’s down

below the metaphorical  we shared.

We used the trip to see fam. - on the way.

Da stay with some, and to recall some tales,

to clean up rooms in house we used to stay

in with her. So my memory  “inhales”.

I thank her for her mothering of my

own wife, who is the best gift I've received,

since I was given what is called my “life”.

We hadn’t always quite seen or believed

the same about the most important things,

yet she was growing kinder - her last days

she got to be more grateful. Each one brings

us goodness wrapped in very diff’rent ways.

And I want to grow as that lady did,

to notice goodness, and express in words

somehow appreciation that gets hid

unless we speak it - so some  folk 'll have heard

something that helps them look through, to its birth,

and see the ways that mediators worked

to make more goodness come to live on Earth.

This is a job I'll do, and not have shirked!

And then there was the time with Dad & Mum, 

(li’ll brother, as we travelled) to share lunch.

A mate surviving cancer, under some …

some pressure still, but rising from that punch.

Some stories that we heard as we drove on,

have also brought us ways to live more life.

I choose to hear from folk  before they’re gone.

To let them tell me their own fun and strife.

And some-times friends can grow where we’d not dream,

and enemies can seem to grow from friends.

At times we know they’ve changed, others just seem

so diff’rent ev’ry time… ’till journey ends.

And now I’m back at school in New South Wales,

in Orange, where I teach the Fearnley class

some subjects till Ms. Huggett’s back. We trail

sometimes, but then at others we “kick ass”.

---

Dear Paul…

[to an older Paul (Roe), from a younger Paul (Walker), in the wake of the Paul (of Tarsus) who was Messiah's Ambassador to the Nations ...]

---

Dear God, we heard the news not long ago,

of brother Paul and how his health has gone.

It seems like it just failed, but  you must know

much more, you aren’t surprised by what’s come on

the news to us, his hairs are numbered* to

your heart of love, just as his days on earth*.

Your plans and schemes go past this life, and do

not stop at death of bodies got at birth*.

And as our Lord and Master modelled well*:

(they’d started mourning young “Talitha”’s life

cut short, but) he said “sleep” was where she fell,

then helped her walk to Jairus and his wife,

and then reminded them to give her food.

Your partnership with her, was strong, not rude.

And I think that you knew the needs of who’d

been ushered out, and in*. Your Paul is glued 

to your will bring done on Earth, as in

the heavens* where your purpose means much good

is done on Earth, down here amongst the “sin”

(the falling short of all best hopes as would

be hoped for as we act to seek unfurled,

the honour, immortality, glory)

Then God gives life that was before this world*,

a process started off in Paul (& me)!

And I am glad for each day shared with Paul

upon God’s earth, below the heavens here,

for his determination so to call

for help to one who loves and calls him “dear”*.

---

Footnotes:

ad*  “Why even the hairs of your head are numbered”

arth*  “Teach me oh Lord to number my days, that I may gain a heart of wisdom”

irth* “...just as we have borne the image of the earthly man, so shall we bear the image of the heavenly man.”(1 Corinthians 15:42-57) 

l* with Jairus’s daughter, and Martha’s and Mary’s brother Lazarus.

n* see Mark 5

s* see The Lord’s prayer: “May your will be done on Earth, as it is in the heavens”

ld* “some people by persevering in doing good, seek honour, glory and immortality. To them God will give the Life of all ages…” (Romans 2:7, cf John 3:18-21, as below).

r”* “God so loved the world…”(John3:16-21); God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself…”(2 Corinthians 5:19); “you are my dearly loved son, with you I am well pleased”(Mark 1:11); “this is my dearly loved son, listen to him!” (Mark 9:7-8); “as God’s children, holy and dearly loved…etc” (Col 3:12, Acts17:27-29) 

---

a camp-fire tonight

---

YaHWeH! Tonight we lit a fire and cooked

up food, as well as warming ourselves in

the coolness of the eve’ning air, and looked 

at what the fire showed of what's surroundin’.

We used up energy that was sequest-

ered over many years gone by, by trees

as they just did their job (where birds have nest-

ed) in those solar-panels we call leaves -

combining CO² with water to

make wood that keeps the sunlight en-er-gy

held in its substance - there-by “you know who” 

has helped us to keep warm by “chemistry”.

And we are beneficiaries of that..

..that prior work done, and left as a gift.

So thank you to creative love which sat

down - planning such a goodness that might lift

up spirits in his children, whom he knew

might like to see light, feel the fire’s warmth,

and have a chance to talk about things too,

this is the kind of thing that just might form

the hearth of households right across the world

except I s’pose, wherever we have cut 

the line of this causality and hurled

the pieces far apart, so they might not

be understood and “seen” as one whole thing.

We separate the bits with lengths of wire.

But though we are not birds and don’t have wings,

you saw our true selves  nested round that fire.

---

Fam’ly get-together

---

Oh, spirit of love, please bless all these folk

as they meet, and they greet, and they listen

to what you've to say, & smile at each joke

that their Dad has with them, as gold glistens. 

---

the gift of the spirit, wind, breath of God

---

Oh God, we thank you for your presence with

us any where we go, and how we feel.

It's better for us than the best-est myth

about old Zeus and Hermes on folk's heel.

---

our class

(ways to be in a class of our own)

---

Our class, I'm sure does not mean we’re “well-bred”,

and classy, ‘coz we’ve been all well trained too,

and know the ones to speak too, turn our head

towards and who we really should not do

the honour to give them the time of day,

if they were, in the street, to stop and ask

the time, ‘coz watch on wrist, and mouth could say.

And do all folk require we wear a mask

if we are sick (& tired) of life around,

must we then cover up our mouth for their

sake? Are we not of class enough to’ve found

or think we needn’t learn, or to beware

of doing something which we mightn’t want

to do just then, because we’d rather do

another thing, or use a diff’rent font.

And do they really know our class? And who -

- it is that they are speaking to just now?

To think I might’ve come across like this.

I’m sorry if my face or just my brow

led me to overlook, or be ’na tizz.

So, taking us as one class - in a school,

not on a high fellutant kind of stage,

I think that we’ve potential to be cool

as we learn to be honest, and engage

with folk around, by trying our darned best,

and if we still fall flat upon our face -

then if it is another, don’t make jest,

or fun of them, so we feel less disgraced.

…

---

in & out

- the aire that we breathe -

(A great Leader-teacher who I get to spend time with quietly, who pops in and out)

---

My teacher, mentor, head, you are a boss

at anything you do, put your hand to,

I love to work beside you,  see your heart

for helping out, not caring 'bout your loss,

much more about their gain, what’ll really do

the trick, in the long run - not just the Start.

You back your word, to your own grief and pain.

You let your light shine out so bright and strong,

'n heavens above, as  models can help teach

they show how light goes on, but then a-gain

when lifted up above, our eyes see long,

and understanding seems to get more reach

till when combined with other gifts you let

grow in us and help us to keep, by use,

say mem-or-y - by it we keep the views

we gained from vantage point we often get

from up above, the “model” that includes

relationships (not seen in local news)

which can hold “much more” meaning for our job

of overseeing ecosystems here.

Your teaching of me, is my great delight,

You set things up so I just see, they lob

into my lap. I take a peek, a peer 

into day poss-ib-il-it-ies from night.

That curtain (royal blue in centre folds

but lighter at the edges, it’s berserk),

shuts up each day, to give us time for works

and focus on our overseeing goals,

inviting peaks, each night pulls back, though lurks

to give us views from underneath - child’s perks!

And thus this curtain draws attention to

what it wraps up, and helps us think to look,

especially when at rolling time we get

a light show in the sky, of diff’rent hue,

each morning, eve-ning, as a piquing hook

on ev’ry day (except when very wet).

This special space we’ve got to partner here

between the heavens, and the earth (or sea),

where winds blow strong or gentle, and we breathe

and share the air, and live, and move, appear,

and disappear (some times we do not see),

yet get to know. Excess, life starts to seeth!

---

You shall love the Lord your ...(God/Father/King/Lover/helper ... etc)

with ALL …… . …… .

---

Oh God we're scattered round about the place,

there’s some of us kilometres apart,

yet still we forward look to see your face

in ev’ry likeness of you, by your art

and your creative love that would embrace

us in the heart of ev’rything we do,

to do it as a partnership, to trace

your purposes in each breath (as a clue)

to woo us into reaching out ourselves

to touch you, as your partner in this life,

so that together, no matter our health,

as parts of a new covenant, we’re “wife”.

And you, our bridegroom, we want to come in

and share our naked intimacies well,

and we would own your fam’ly as its been

so called, and as in fact you’d like to dwell.

No metaphor is big enough to hold

much of your love, but each might help a bit.

All goodness comes from you, and so we're bold

to use what you are happy to make fit.

Please teach us what we need today to live..

to hear your spoken word into our souls.

To take it in, and let it grow and give

this world your presence (more?)as we grow whole.

So, whether these ol’ bods are crook, or well,

we have a chance to keep faithful as said

within our promises as cov’nant  dwells 

among us, to call us to what you said.

---

This ain't a covenant of equals. Sure.

It’s more like parent/ child where honour loves

to honour each the other a bit more..

though not (“fast tracked” at truth’s expense) with shoves.

and love is honoured to be loved back too,

but doesn't give up if it’s not at all.

It has a higher, deeper kind of view,

but can be scarey, it’s price will not fall.

So here I am your junior partner here.

Myself, that is this body 6 feet tall.

But also my small family scattered near,

(both kinds) and then,... believe me that’s not all!

---

Cancel Coffee

---

Mate, I've got a runny nose and cough that knocks me out if I talk or go into cool air. I think I should not join you for coffee in the morning.

---

Oh God! Please help this mate with building stuff.

Give wisdom as they choose what properties

to do what to, & timing in the tough

decisions, to just trust with childlike ease.

While thinking, planning, as he's wont to do,

and often joining in complexities,

of understanding markets, and those who

need help, and ways to join with your fire-breeze...

---

orange fridge

(through lens in head) 

---

I experience this world as more than dead..

I know that I feel cold that's bracing, well

on head and shoulders, yet there's warmth in bed -

that isn’t in the body of ol’ Dell.

Her body lies in fune’ral parlour fridge

in Brisbane, where her girl and grandson said

they visited her yes-ter-day and squidged 

her hair still pinned out of her eyes - for bed.

There’s something I perceive (with eyes of mind,

or heart - the part that speaks and feels and “means”)

that isn’t understood by dust, I find.

I think dust can’t; it's folk must ‘dys-’ all dreams

and longings, and commitments, friendship, hate…

Reductionists. They start defining them

as simply artifacts of a whole spate

of “concrete” chemicals and forces when

they walked behind a mirror in their world,

and found no space to live a 3D life.

The two dimensions they allowed were curled 

inside a silver-lined glass sheet. No strife.. 

seems in that world - where no-one ‘lives’ at all.

Just molecules or  membranes that get formed 

into some sheets to rest the dead that call

to take a peek. Not thinking they’ll be stormed

& overcome by pow’rful deluge, or

maybe just a delusion; but it's strong.

The insight that comes to me now is more

like: “Ask for help, where you’ve seen it come from”.

 …

---