F-rust-rated..

 (wonky Left Brain Hemisphere?)

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I’m getting frustrated, oh god of me.

I have an imp inside me who is queer,

he’s harping on about that I don’t see

you very much, so that you can’t be near.

I’ve answered him a thousand times before.

I’ve sat down at the table, undone all

my upbringing, assumptions, maybe more,

and worked as best I could, to let things fall

the weigh of truth, the way of hesed* love.

And that, along with logic’s models and

the things I still can “see”, when eyes are cov-

ered up, like what makes sense, helps understand..

I've kept no secrets, let him “in” to all.

Ah, now I see! He can’t, and never will.

That means that he is really rather small.

My Left Brain Hemisphere models until..

the cows come home. And that’s his job for me. 

He’s kind of like my servant who is blind.

He thinks, and totes, and figures what must be

with all the data that I truly find.

I don’t think he is honest all the time,

he has a grudge against you for your love

of me. He says he thinks that I’m sublime,

and thinks I should be boss. The one above.

I wonder if he thinks that then I’ll see

he’s better at computing than am I

and let him take the top job, so that he

could be in charge. I think he’d like to try. 

That mistrust is my problem, I can see.

But also it is yours who made me thus.

So with some little plans to try so he

will have a chance himself, to learn to trust…

I wonder could he meet you? Or will that

have to be when it’s he who wants to see?

I’ll try to get him ready. God, you’re flat

out wonderful. That wonder's now in me.

So, thanks for letting me help you redeem

a world of imps like this one in myself.

By wisdom all of hesed’s highest dreams

might one day come about to our full health.

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 * hesed: the Hebrew word expressing loyal love, loving kindness, honest honour, streadfast love, constant compassion, faithful loyalty.

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