Resilience in being, and in relationship...

I found myself in our dining room talking with my wife last night, but according to my daughter, Milly, I was speaking to my wife in a patronizing way, & then speaking louder & faster... Milly beautifully said: "Dad, that sounds patronizing.... something's not right, ... you are speaking faster & louder... can you sense it?" I couldn't really, but I believe her. Still, by the end of the time, my wife felt very hurt & I felt a bit raw & numb. We prayed for help from God.
When I mentioned some of this to a friend in my LTG today, he said "Oh, I was reading this article on Collaboration .." & he read a bit out that mentioned that the major impediment to Collaboration & Resilience is Defensiveness, and that in order to get around that road-block it gave six simple points. One was that it was a good idea to Name your own Defensive Strategies and gave a non-exhaustive list including:

• Aggressiveness
• Speaking louder or faster
• Giving orders or making demands
• Belittling others
• Getting quiet, tuning out
• Feeling hot, embarrassment, can't think, mind goes blank
• Playing victim
• Blaming, judging

I could see this was so close to the wording Milly had used to describe me, that I knew I had to at least listen to what God might be wanting to say to me through this article. Ouch! But, thank you God. And, bring it on!

I cut and pasted it to make it more easily printable (but the initial link is there on the second line). I have read it all at least once. A lot of it resonates with what I've already learned and know to be true. Some of the wording mightn't quite work for you, try to get the big ideas.


...   ...   ,,,   ,,,   ...[[[]]]...   ,,,   ,,,   ...   ...

Oh God, help me please
to live out your life.
He did it with ease
amidst all the strife.

And I know I need
more of him in me.
His spirit the seed,
his life kills "sin-me".

Oh God I see now:
I give up my rights
and to you I bow,
instead of pick fights.

You own this old lump
of blood, flesh, and bone,
This soul which may slump,
this spirit has flown

God, from your own lips
when you breathed on dust.
These bodies are ships
that're sailing on trust,

or friendship which grows
as we become one
and labour with those
who're sent, like the son,

who co-laboured with,
followed his Father,
We're part of that myth-
-ic shrine or vineyard(-a).


I hope this doc helps any of you trying to work with others collaboratively: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Z9BM7oPFMJK3pSkRHn7ywudiKSWHNPJmaSfX1WcGEXo/edit?usp=sharing