'Gus Godfrey* (the pizza King); it's his birthday...(PG)

An' Gus was born..
not long ago,
his hair is shorn
so folk won't know

just how many
years have gone by..
d'say there's plenty,
but I won't try

to keep a score
he might win out,
- have even more,
an' win the bout!

Good day to you
ol' friend of God*.
See that! You do
your name, that's hot!

I'll celebrate,
with Pizza here,
recall a mate,
and give a cheer.  P.


..
Good on you Paul! 
Have read your poem 
to our dinner guests, 
God bless... G.


Gladly accept
I, your blessing.
About to get 
my pizza thing.

Your age leaves all
of us guessing...
Peace! - if this small#
one bleats a thing.   P.

* "Godfrey" means "God's friend".
# "Paul" means "small".

What's going DOWN?

Lewis Brendan

Hi Paul, hi Katrina,
I spoke with Ian on the phone the other day and he told me you might have some good advice regarding an issue I've been struggling with lately...
I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a few years, and although I'm on good medication, and see a good counselor, I still get days where I feel like life is just too hard. And then I think, who am I to say it's too hard? - I've lived a very privileged life with barely any trauma of any kind!
What kind of mind decides that a great life just isn't worth living?
I feel like I'm trying to claw my way out of this pit with a spoon but every time i get a foothold the wall crumbles away. What kind of hope of getting out do I have? They say depression is something I'll have to learn to live with, learn to beat on a daily basis. Will I spend my whole life struggling to stay positive? Unable to live life to the full because every day I have to start that battle again?
Ian said that your family has some experience dealing with this stuff. I don't want to pry, but I could really use some help.

Sincerely, Lewis


to Lewis,
cc: Katrina

We're all different in this family. Different personalities, different struggles, so I'll leave it to Katrina to answer from her perspective & experience. But I can tell you what I've experienced. Maybe I'll answer in-line below... And, thanks for sharing so candidly with us, Lewis. I have shared my thoughts candidly too.

-------
My biggest battle seems to be against the accepted wisdom of "significant" parts of my society, to "remember (before even "who i am") whose i am", - certainly not My Own! For i recall that i am a derived being & my own identity is derived, via many conduits, from another's, one who stands alone, who could say simply: "I AM". Now I remember whose ... I AM!

PauLindsaYValkeR

On  April 2014 17:19, Lewis  Brendan   wrote:

Hi Paul, hi Katrina,

I spoke with Ian on the phone the other day and he told me you might have some good advice regarding an issue I've been struggling with lately... 

I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a few years, and although I'm on good medication, and see a good counselor, I still get days where I feel like life is just too hard.

I remember a friend (who I think has also suffered from depression) saying to another person who was down at the time: "Remember, you've been here before, & you came out of it". A good thing to remember. A good discipline to get into.

And then I think, who am I to say it's too hard? - I've lived a very privileged life with barely any trauma of any kind! Yep, sometimes that's our problem - I think we all need to grow, and that seems to come with "trauma", stress, anxiety (at least at some level). Our youngest child nearly died at birth, probably because she had such a completely stress-free term, and then was born caesar a week early, so no stress then either. No surfactant got produced in her lungs. It seems like that comes with time, but also with the stress of the labour, and the massaging and "difficulty" of being born through the birth canal.

What kind of mind decides that a great life just isn't worth living? Good question.

I feel like I'm trying to claw my way out of this pit with a spoon but every time i get a foothold the wall crumbles away. Eeek, that must be horrible.

What kind of hope of getting out do I have? Can't answer that for you, or anyone else. But it does strike me that (at least it has seemed important in my journey to check that the biggest thing in my life is NOT to get rid of this problem. I will not be defined by any lack, or difficulty {though I must say that still, very often, my first reaction is to panic & run for cover, trying to escape from any undesirable situation or condition, especially if it is confusing or I don't understand where it is coming from or why I have it}). I am learning that the important thing is that I can trust my Father in Heaven to know what he's doing when he gave/gives me my sex, family, friends (some of which might have been horrible, as well as the good ones), language, culture, birthday, place of birth, etc (most of which I didn't choose). I can trust him too for my eye sight, my hands & feet's movement, my kidney function (which leads to gout, sometimes), my height, my bone structure, my number of limbs, my facial features & number of eyes, ears, nostrils, hare-lip-ness, voice pitch, as well as my present failing eye-sight (even though for most of my life I have had 20/20 vision). Once I start on a list like this I realize

1. there is a lot of good we have from God's hand, and what is my response going to be with respect to these good gifts? [This is very key for me]

2. some of these things I can influence (like the kind of food & drink I choose seems to  influence my gout) and some of them I can't [It might be good to try to work out which category I am in with each situation, to help me see how best to respond; to not try & be responsible for something I have no control over, or visa versa].
   

3. I am responsible to be a good steward of the good gifts I have received, to learn how best to use them & then to use them well.

4.  Sometimes the "bad-gift" is even from God (and all are at least allowed by him), in which case it can be used for much greater good by our Father, my job is to trust him, to allow him to work mightily in me. As much as it looks bad, will be as much as it is really better than the other "good" looking gifts. The "bad" gifts can in fact be extra special opportunities. [I know it still doesn't answer the question of fairness. Why do others miss out on these amazing opportunities? Another thing for me to trust God in. Sometimes we just have to thank God for good gifts & see that we are good stewards of them, not trying to compare ourselves with others and their gifts all the time. Galatians 6:4-9 ]
   

e.g. (if they don't make sense, you can ask me sometime about ...)

1. Jairus, whose daughter died while Jesus stopped to ask "Who touched me just now?" & then dealt with a lady with "women's problems", that she'd had for 12 years already (so it may well have seemed to Jairus that she'd last for another 3 or 4 hours, until after his daughter was saved from death).
2. The Syro-Phoenican women with the demon-ized daughter, whom Jesus seemed to "push away" saying "It's not right to give the children's bread to the dogs"
3. Thomas missing out on seeing the risen Jesus at first, when Jesus was seen by all the rest of the apostles (apart from Judas from Kerrioth).

Sometimes a gift melts away because it has done it's job, and the person just has to stand firm, hold on, or grow through it, like the first two above. Sometimes it is taken away because a person hasn't taken up the special opportunity they've been given, and it has a time-frame, like number 3 above.

Sometimes it may be a discipline (which doesn't have to be a punishment at all), and it may be needed for a short time or a season (which will rarely be more than 150yrs). Sometimes it is a test, which is probably a small discipline as above, and when I pass it, it disappears. A friend who is an alcoholic wants to be freed from this condition; some in his condition are freed in this life-time (& can drink wine with friends - like Jesus did, - though remember Jesus also got to be whipped and spat on, made a public spectacle of, and die painfully over a number of hours on a cross), others aren't freed from being an alcoholic & just have to become teetotalers (like John the Baptist was. John could have been upset about this, or he could thank God for the role he got to play, where John got to have his head cut off & died [probably] quickly & painlessly)

Further to this, I was thinking the other day about Saul, who didn't obey God's clear command about the animals & Agag. He could have repented, and set up his kingdom for David to take over, as God's anointed ruler, and borne his punishment as discipline from God, and have been like Moses; punished, but repentant & in good relations with God as he died. But, it seems like he wasn't going to give up his kingdom for anything, at least not easily. So instead of giving the kingdom to David, he got jealous of David. It says that God sent an evil spirit to him & sounds like he got very depressed (1 Sam 16:14; 19:9; music seemed to cheer him up a bit). I thought, if that was me, I'd want to thank God for the reign he had given me, apologize and ask for forgiveness, even though Samuel had said Saul wouldn't be, or ask Samuel what should be done, to die right with God... in other words nothing is more important than a right standing with God; humble myself, grovel, stop holding on to my pride, (David knew that God's loving kindness (Hesed) was better than life itself; Saul hung on to life, to Kingdom, to honour-in-the-eyes-of-men, rather than seeking God, or his forgiveness or loving-kindness) Sometimes God hides something to help us get it, or at least want to get it, so that we'll look for it & search for it with all our heart, and then find it & get it in such a way that we prize it for what it is worth. (Remember Jesus saying about the people who stayed on the outside...otherwise (if they looked & saw, or listened & heard,  they might turn from their sins & be forgiven, horror of horrors, now we wouldn't want that would we?, well not until we did want it!)

Acceptance from God's hand of the "good"(desirable) & the "bad"(undesirable). Like Job, at first. Not accepting the "bad" just so we'll get over it more quickly, though that is probably something worth considering, because I don't think God will allow undesirable things to those who are alive as his children, more than is "necessary", but knowing that although "All things are possible with God" he might ask me to drink any particular cup (of pain & suffering - remembering that Hebrews tells us that Jesus, son though he was, "learned obedience through the things he suffered"),

{When You've read this and understood it, feel free to ask me about my experience of a "black cloud" descending on me one afternoon, unaccountably to me, and seeming to suck all meaning & purpose & joy out of life....}

They say depression is something I'll have to learn to live with, learn to beat on a daily basis.

maybe, but as mentioned above, God will know what's best for the Angels, the world, & me.

Will I spend my whole life struggling to stay positive?

In my experience, I have taken to heart 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, though, as I think I've shared with you, I have found that I can only do it in reverse order. I have to start with the "be thankful in all circumstances", then I find that I am moving towards the "pray at all times" , then although I think I tried to obey God in the "Be joyful always" bit at first, I can't help it now, I am overcome by joy.

Unable to live life to the full because every day I have to start that battle again?

Even if you do have to do that every day, I think it may be more like my daily (or many times a day) discipline of having to kill the Judas me. At first it was a bit wearing and a bit scary. I think it wanted me to just give up, putting on the air that it was invincible, and that it would always come back. But now I know that it hasn't got a chance. It can't live more than another 100yrs, and I'll be alive & growing younger & more virile & strong daily for the next million years, then I'll really get going (that's the new creation me, that God has already started, and won't stop growing younger & stronger)

Ian said that your family has some experience dealing with this stuff. I don't want to pry, but I could really use some help.

Hope some of these thoughts can be of help to you as well as they have been a help to me. (Oh, plus the paragraph above, above my colourful name, is a help to me)

Sincerely, Lewis

 Sincerely, Paul.

p.s. since this correspondence I've been meditating on (and turned it into a song to help me think about it more often, and more deeply), this passage from the New Testament: 2 Cor 4:16-20. I've learned it in the Good News Bible's translation (GNB), and it often helps me keep perspective on the "small and temporary trouble we suffer"

 

A daughter of the Most High God!

Katrina,

you are loved.

I mean a

daughter gloved

(not just out-

side gracing

clothing, but)

replacing

bones and sin-

-ue, blood, and

will that's in

you, dead and

zombie like;

with god-ess,

holy tyke,

true "poss-essed"

-by One who
(seeing 's

he) owns hu-

-man beings!

well a mate ... might be late, ... who went just ... to dentist...

God please help Danny
in this old body,
trust you when any-
thing feels quite shody,

with teeth decaying,
muscles and joints groan;
till, as you're saying
he has one - not loaned!

Amen!

aquainted today

Daan, good to spend some time with you today mate...

Once on an afternoon,
due to a friendly friend
some people met and soon
countries and backgrounds wend...

Belgium, Aust-ralia
meet for an even-ing,
odd stuff, regalia,
books, food, all weave-en-ing!

Questions & stories flowed,
and in-flu-ences shared,
places and friends were owned,
something in people cared..

he can't make it this fri arvo

good night dear bro., 
to you and yours
that it will show
goodness because ... 

a friend choosing from options

God, please give wisdom to this man.
But maybe there's other things too
things like efficiency, love, and
listening to words (and groans) from you.

Please grow these careful goodnesses
in this friend, and his family too,
so more than legal should-nesses
spur him on, with a love like you

have for these your very children,
or your sheep that need your special
care for lambs, watered and filled 'em,
no real needs that you won't help fill!

More than all the details, please grow
strong friendship that trusts and won't fear
so no matter which way they go
he'll care for lambs, feed sheep who're here.

Amen

shards of freshness

Wow-oo-we!
-looking good,
'tog-raphy
(as it should)

shows off yous,
as ya's are:
"fabulous",
and "fresh arts"!

brothers breakfast together tomorrow..

Bless-ed time together
at that breakfast pub.
You enjoy the weather,
'member things that rub

in such a way that they
sharpen or make smooth
as i-ron or stones play
their part, and reprove.

May you all celebrate
a bless-ed earth-day,
and catch up with a mate
or two, not to stray.

But to go on strongly,
learn to listen well,
and to not judge wrongly,
save your souls from hell!

Old-ey & New-ey

©2015 PW

A mate starts a blog...

On you!
Keep on,
be strong.
Speak true.

That will
help us
not fuss,
fulfill.

G'day
to who
'sround you,
I say.

Her mum is quite sick

She’s been in hospital, bad infections in lunch (+ emphysema, and COPD..), and her husband died less than a year ago. She hasn’t got over it. Does she know she is still loved, as she loved her children, and more.

Katrina, you are doing love

reflecting back there to your mum,

what she got from the god above,

patient listening, though not quite “dumb”:

speaking only what will help build,

learning to help her to work out:

holes that should, or else could, be filled;

what one should hold, 'nwhat one should doubt.

...

I gotta dotta: an R-bell...

Annabelle Rose Elvita
Heer Walker, that is her name;
times her room could be neater,
we love her though just the same.

They say this day is special;
no longer a "teen-ager",
I don't know, but I guess she'll
settle (-not such a rager)!

Been connecting with a team,
(no sleep-ins on those team-days)
life's not always what it seems,
"Some folk are different" she says.

Learning to listen and love
folk with their differences too,
keeping connected above
all that's important to you.

Still big decisions to make
about next year and her life,
but small ones on the way shape
more than we know, they are rife

with potential as Jesus
(that's the one she calls her Lord)
told us, our Father sees us
"cups of wat-er" ain't ignored,

visiting those in trouble:
in hospital, or in jail;
giving, what looks like stubble,
but 'tsall the grain in your pail;

trusting the one who makes grain
multiply in the dark earth
so that it rises again
but with new body, new birth.

Losing control of the helm,
gaining the rest of a child,
learning with fears, to quell 'em
through faith & love that is wild.

God's hope for her is greater
he says than what we could dream,
so I'll gladly be "waiter",
& "watcher" for that bright sheen.

Anarther father.

Daughter sorta "fought" a nother year.

Milly (de Pilly)
is one year older!
Don't think me silly:
I think she's "golder": 

as trials come by
with each year of life,
she don't have to try
it happens, it's rife; 

she's growing beauty
and open-ness too.
More than a duty,
she left her glass shoe, 

I think by mistake,
or else events forced
life's aspects to make
her life a new source

under God, of love
which has the most pow'r;
of all things that shove,
it doesn't somehow,

and yet made the world,
both heavens and earth,
the planets were hurled
and light had it's birth!

The word of that love
let time and space be,
harmless as a dove
but like that Milly.

God, please keep growing
your wisdom in her,
like a snake going
on rock, may she serve

in "impossible"
placings and timings,
for you, God, are full
of wond'rous rhymings.

One in a hundred
or thousand, or more,
Milli-Cent; one dread
batt-le-maiden: you're

daughter who oughta
be of a glad dad!