.. not alone……*

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..this morning I woke with a memory in my head, of a phrase I said to my daughter last night, that was likely to give an untrue picture, or, that was maybe  in some other way somehow untrue. I may not have been intentionally boasting (I don't know, but God knows). But it does 'smell' of that to me: 

On looking at it carefully this morning, in God's presence, I became aware that… the untrue thing in my statement was not so much my words, or that my 'motive' (at one level) might have sunk to being - to boast about myself. 

But I do wonder whether I was lifting up my heart in that moment (thinking about my daughter and the purpose of creative love for our conversation). Being "conscious of God", noticing the tell-tail signs, and drawing the logical, fitting (and bold, even if scary) conclusions.  There seems to have been a certain super-awareness of self there… 

• I see that it might be simply an alertment from God about my native weakness, of wanting people to approve of me, and love me, and appreciate me, without me having to do the hard work (that God does) of suffering, & suffering them to come to me, to use up my focus, and time of life, and all my resources, - simply entrusting myself and the righteousness of my cause to the one who judges justly, and loves mercy, and creates lovingly and powerfully (through his word breathed into the dust - of his earth, and - of his making), and walking humbly with him.

a slight phasing out of an awareness of (the privilege of) myself being a vehicle of the coming together of heaven & earth, shown by a kind of mechanistic talk or stance, within my soul, that drags God's good world back into the meaninglessness & purposeless of simply animalistic mechanism on top.

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God thanks, you sent Yeshua, here to save 

us from our 'birthright' - more like our 'birthwrong'- 

of living "without you", until the grave

with self as king of solit'ry kingdom, 

that makes no cov-en-ants or compacts with 

all other kingdoms unless mine's The Boss.

That has not many citizens or kith

at all (to save it ever feeling loss),

that will allow no dual cit'zenship,

that's even for the king. And won't allow 

renouncement of its titles, like kingship,

- once taken up, they can't be dropped somehow. 

[I have some "royal blood", from up above,

from having come from Yahweh King himself 

who rules by leading in creative love. 

This royal lineage, increasing health,

means ruling's in my blood potentially, 

but I must get the 'software' downloaded

(I'm using here machine analogy), 

or else think 'training' (even cow that's goaded).

I hear your naming of your Man to be:

"Emmanuel" and know that in him, &

within his love, within this partnering,

I never need to walk, or even stand -

"without this God" again! He is himself, 

in all that he is for us, door or gate, 

a way to get to God, the source of health,

and then, that God is with us, as of late,

we need reminding. I would stay within 

your holy love, creative presence here

that makes up options 'on the fly' I've seen,

or 'in the air', or 'on the wind', you sheer-

ly breathe the "breath of life' that comes from God 

& out to anywhere he wants to go.

These bodies he'd inhabit, so he's trod

the earth in them, till "sleep", and we shall know.

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What should I do my king, with this above? 

- to grow to be like you want me - from here, 

& now, in your time, so it would appear, 

all goodness comes together in your love, 

and then vibrates in him, in unison, 

in union with your 'son', to whom you've give-

-en sovereignty, and leadership. We live

when under him in ev'ry sphere begun.

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*  "The time is coming, and is already here, when all of you will be scattered, each of you to your own home, and I will be left all alone. But I am not (ever really) alone, because the Father is with me." John 16:32

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