Oh God, why this distance?*

* At Maccas at Bendigo, 3 May 2012, left wife & daughter in bed saying they’d just stay at home to talk or to  just sleep…. Feeling like I wanted to tune in with God, off to Maccas, then went to order a tea, saw a meal deal for ~$3.45, was charged ~$4.15, asked why… was told that my adjustment from "cappuccino" to "tea" must have made it dearer, so I changed back to a cap (then saw that the other lady had started to pour the tea), only to find that the price was more again, then we realized that the cheaper price was “burger only”, so I went back to the cheaper “tea” (then noticed that by this time the lady had started on the Cap (half full). Felt bad. Like I was a gluttonous blob that leaves my family to go to Maccas to pig out, rather than relate and wastes stuff on top of that… etc… so got out notebook, (then felt like a gluttonous blob… that hides behind computer screens & is caught up in technology) then started to type this… (Thank you for your help my Father) Paul.

... then remembering that leader of God's people (whom Jesus drew to his students' attention - at the end of Mark 12) - a widow lady ( in a time with little social service)...

Oh, God.

My God.

Why have I forsaken you?

I start with real yearnings

for intimacy with you

I get side-tracked so quick

- don’t know what to do.

But as I just said that, I knew,

& knew that I was doing   it too.

That gives me hope a-maze-singly.

Though I can’t see you leading me;

you none-the-less are.

And I love you,

with all this small heart.

My biggest prayer

as I remember you are there,

is to have a bigger heart;

that it might grow could be a start,

to love you with it all (not part).

And now I recall that widow lady

in that temple long ago

you didn’t think that she was shady

just ‘cause she was bent so low

and you knew

what she was giving,

drew your stu-

-dents attention to her leadership

of the “people of God”;

when all the men

who led, back then,

gave back a part of their own heart

but she whose heart was broken

and who mourned, and was comforted

not by a religious “dot” or token

but by that LOVE from the very start,

was done with all that stuff (just) spoken

of. Oh, give me her leader’s heart!

What can I do

for you -

who loves me true?

What-ever you bring to (me);

whate’r  I should eschew,

or bend and start anew,

these very things – just do!

-and keep re-membering too,

linking it in to the grand story.

Becoming a weaver, a spinner of tales,

helping people (like me) swallow truth (not whales),

stitches to a tapestry, & a chapter add,

linking actions  with story

I think I see enough to do, my Dad.

(this was then followed by my ACT of SURRENDER)